Gray Matter

I have been asked to be the Chaplin of the lacrosse team at my school this year. Not sure what that means, but I said yes. Before you laugh at that, I don't really have "Chaplin" responsibilities. I just hang out and pray from time to time. It is a good gig. So I go to all the games, and stay out of the way.

So last night we played against Poway High school. If you haven't heard anything in the past month, a Poway student was murdered a few weeks ago. It has been a very big story in San Diego, and the whole city has really rallied around the story and the whole situation. Chelsea went missing for 4 days and the whole town was searching for her until she was found tragically murdered. Horrible situation.

So played Poway. It was a very big game. Both teams are very good. It was heated and close and a tight game. And then it was over. And it didn't matter who won. At that point, it was just two groups of guys, from two different worlds, that know exactly what the other is going through. Two different situations, two different scenarios, and the same painful feeling. The same loss. The realization that Will and Chelsea aren't coming back.

We brought both teams together at midfield after the game. Our team had made sweatbands that we wore during the game, and made some for Poway as well. Our coach spoke to the Poway boys, and just gave some life words. And then someone had to pray. And that was me. I was asked to pray for the Poway boys as they go through the pain that my boys are steal dealing with just a few months further in the process.

What do you say to them? What do you say to a GOD? How do you pray for guys that you don't even know, a school that you are not a part of, who is broken with little hope? I don't even remember what I prayed. I am pretty sure that I left a lot I should have said. I don't even think I prayed for Chelsea's family. Big mistake.

But last night, I was reminded of Will. How much I miss him, how he isn't here. I was reminded of the pain that I am still dealing with. The pain that all our boys are still dealing with. I am standing on the sideline watching the game. I see the Poway boys with Orange chin straps in honor of Chelsea. I see our boys with stickers on our helmets, and shirts with Will's name on it. Visual reminders of boys that are in pain. Boys that were asked to go out on the field and play, when they have so much else on their minds, knowing that whether they like it or not, they represent their fallen friends, their fallen teammate. I miss Will, I miss Chelsea, and I never even knew her.
Last night was rough. And it still is.