Gray Matter

I started back to work work this week. No kids yet, just teachers. We have had a bunch of meetings. I am learning to hate meetings. They just are not fun. And a lot of them are just so pointless. I am ready for kids to show up. They are a lot easier to deal with then adults. It will be weird to have a new group of students. I became very attached to my last group of kids. We were very close and I really enjoyed them. I am a little scared to get new students. I feel like I am 15 all over again. What will they all think of me? Will they like me? Will they think that I am weird? Will they get my sense of humor? What will they think of my outfit? Do I need to bring treats? How can I get them to show up everyday? Will they listen to me?

So many thoughts and insecurities. Am I good enough for them. AND I AM THE TEACHER. I am not suppose to be feeling this way. And yet I am forced to think of ways to win them over. Candy only works for so long. How did I do it last year. Whatever I did seemed to work. But I don't remember how that worked out. I don't remember why I fit with my last group of students. Will this group work out like the last one did? And probably the most important question, why do I care? But I do care. I really do. I care about my kids. I want them to like me. I don't need to be liked. I have to be liked, but I don't need to be liked. Yikes.

Needless to say, I am excited for the new year. I hope that this years batch fits with me as well as last years did. I am going to miss them. Some of them I will see, other are off to college. I wish them well. They are good kids.