Monday, August 31, 2009

Who Knows?

I have been thinking a lot about death lately. And that sounds weird. And it probably isn't the best place to be dwelling. But it is where my mind has been going recently. And it isn't just a think about once type of thing. I have honestly been thinking about it a lot these past few weeks. And I don't really have a reason to either. I just have been.

I can't get over the fact that now one really knows what happens when you die. And no one can argue that point. People can say they know that there is a heaven and that when you die you walk to the pearly gates and you check in with Peter and you walk up and give GOD a high five and he says welcome. I mean that is what we have been taught since day one of Sunday school. And why wouldn't you believe that. It is better than the alternative. Cause the alternative sucks. If that isn't the way the story ends, then...well then I don't know what if that is the way the story ends. And I guess what I get held up on is the fact that no matter what anyone says, or how they try and convince you otherwise, no one really knows how the story ends. I get the faith thing. I get it, I really do, but how far does faith go. What if it isn't the way it works? What if?

So these are my thoughts these days. Not the greatest ways to be spending my energy or thought process. But at the end of every thought process, at the end of every analysis, at the end of every internal discussion, I come back to one single point. If I truly believe in a GOD of Love. If I truly believe that this GOD of Love created me. And if I truly believe that this GOD of Love that created me still cares about me. Then there has to be something good at the end of this. This love has to extend for a long time. This GOD of Love has too much invested in this to just let it end. It has to extend. This doesn't really help with my questioning at all. But at least it holds me over until the next time I think about it.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Moving

So we just moved to a new place. It is a lot nicer and a lot bigger. So all in all it was a great decision. We weren't sure if it was going to be a better place, but after a couple of days in the new place, we have decided that our new condo is a big upgrade.

That being said, I HATE MOVING. It is so much work. Way to many boxes. Lots of heavy objects. And way too many trips back and forth. My Dad came and helped us move which was huge. He brought his huge truck, and brought his trailer as well. So it took us four trips back and forth. It would have been a lot more trips if we didn't have the trailer. And we don't even have that much stuff. It is just the two of us and neither of us have very much. I can't even imagine a family of four moving who has been in the same house for a extended period of time. And a bigger family than four, yikes. And we just moved up the freeway a couple exits. Not a long trip.

Lets just say that I am glad to be done with it. It is over with and done. Thankfully.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Starting Up Again

I started back to work work this week. No kids yet, just teachers. We have had a bunch of meetings. I am learning to hate meetings. They just are not fun. And a lot of them are just so pointless. I am ready for kids to show up. They are a lot easier to deal with then adults. It will be weird to have a new group of students. I became very attached to my last group of kids. We were very close and I really enjoyed them. I am a little scared to get new students. I feel like I am 15 all over again. What will they all think of me? Will they like me? Will they think that I am weird? Will they get my sense of humor? What will they think of my outfit? Do I need to bring treats? How can I get them to show up everyday? Will they listen to me?

So many thoughts and insecurities. Am I good enough for them. AND I AM THE TEACHER. I am not suppose to be feeling this way. And yet I am forced to think of ways to win them over. Candy only works for so long. How did I do it last year. Whatever I did seemed to work. But I don't remember how that worked out. I don't remember why I fit with my last group of students. Will this group work out like the last one did? And probably the most important question, why do I care? But I do care. I really do. I care about my kids. I want them to like me. I don't need to be liked. I have to be liked, but I don't need to be liked. Yikes.

Needless to say, I am excited for the new year. I hope that this years batch fits with me as well as last years did. I am going to miss them. Some of them I will see, other are off to college. I wish them well. They are good kids.

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Something New

Decided it was time to put some thoughts down on paper....or whatever medium this is. Not even sure if anyone will ever read this ever, but it is going to be a place to share stories and thoughts. Heather and I will both be able to add posts. So you will get to hear both sides of all stories, hopefully.