Gray Matter

I have been thinking a lot about death lately. And that sounds weird. And it probably isn't the best place to be dwelling. But it is where my mind has been going recently. And it isn't just a think about once type of thing. I have honestly been thinking about it a lot these past few weeks. And I don't really have a reason to either. I just have been.

I can't get over the fact that now one really knows what happens when you die. And no one can argue that point. People can say they know that there is a heaven and that when you die you walk to the pearly gates and you check in with Peter and you walk up and give GOD a high five and he says welcome. I mean that is what we have been taught since day one of Sunday school. And why wouldn't you believe that. It is better than the alternative. Cause the alternative sucks. If that isn't the way the story ends, then...well then I don't know what if that is the way the story ends. And I guess what I get held up on is the fact that no matter what anyone says, or how they try and convince you otherwise, no one really knows how the story ends. I get the faith thing. I get it, I really do, but how far does faith go. What if it isn't the way it works? What if?

So these are my thoughts these days. Not the greatest ways to be spending my energy or thought process. But at the end of every thought process, at the end of every analysis, at the end of every internal discussion, I come back to one single point. If I truly believe in a GOD of Love. If I truly believe that this GOD of Love created me. And if I truly believe that this GOD of Love that created me still cares about me. Then there has to be something good at the end of this. This love has to extend for a long time. This GOD of Love has too much invested in this to just let it end. It has to extend. This doesn't really help with my questioning at all. But at least it holds me over until the next time I think about it.